In Loving Memory of Marketing Agency, RIP Bro.

It is with a mix of indifference and relief that we announce the passing of the traditional Marketing Agency, which quietly expired in 2024 after a prolonged struggle with irrelevance.

Born in the mid-20th century, Marketing Agency thrived on hefty retainers, flashy slogans, and dubious ROI. Industry veterans, blind to the brewing storm, were caught off guard as AI swiftly delivered the final deathblow with merciless precision. A tearful Jeff Bezos, always the empath, summed it up perfectly: “Your margin is my opportunity”.

Marketing Agency leaves behind a bloated portfolio of overpriced campaigns, vague metrics, overstaffed brainstorming sessions, and underperforming media buys. It is survived by a long-lost, rebellious child, Dr Anna Harrison , whose creation—ironically—may have been the very twist of fate that sealed Marketing Agency’s demise.

The Life and Times

Marketing Agency began life in a simpler era when the Don Drapers of the world thrived on charisma, catchy jingles, and opaque metrics. For decades, it held sway over corporate executives, convincing brands to pour millions into amorphous notions of "awareness" and "engagement." Client relationships were built on three-hour lunches and the art of dodging accountability.

“If it doesn’t sell, it isn’t creative,” remarked a somewhat shaken David Ogilvy. Yet toward the end of its life, Marketing Agency sold less, strategized more, and was ultimately gazumped by AI-powered solutions less sensitive to the whims of billable hours.

Upon hearing of Marketing Agency’s demise, Simon Sinek reportedly muttered, “People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it”. Unfortunately for Marketing Agency, its "Why" had become lost somewhere between "brand alignment" and "demand generation".

Seth Godin was mooved by the news. Friends reported that he is still cowering, and a deep shade of purple.

Gary Vaynerchuk may have foreseen the inevitable back in 2019, when he said, “The market is the market is the market”. Alas, the market spoke. Marketing Agency will be missed—by at least one.

Cause of Death

The official cause of death has been listed as “LLM-Induced Irrelevance”. Marketing Agency could no longer justify bloated retainers when new players offered real-time diagnostics, content creation, and campaign optimization for a fraction of the cost. It is speculated that Marketing Agency was aware of its declining health but chose to focus on “strategy workshops” rather than seek treatment.

Witnesses report that Marketing Agency suffered a final, fatal stroke after discovering that RAMMP could do in seconds what their teams needed weeks to achieve—all while providing actionable insights backed by actual data. It simply couldn’t compete with RAMMP.AI's ability to deliver measurable ROI, a concept with which the deceased had always had a strained relationship.

A Complacent Legacy

In its twilight years, Marketing Agency grew complacent, resting on its laurels of long lunches and fuzzy creative ideation. Bill Bernbach once noted, “Nobody counts the number of ads you run; they just remember the impression you make”. Sadly, the lasting impression Marketing Agency left was one of bloated billing.

Final Words

And so, we say farewell to Marketing Agency, a once-powerful force that, in its later years, became more focused on maintaining appearances than delivering results. As Peter Drucker wisely observed, “There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all”. Marketing Agency, through its relentless pursuit of inefficiency, became the very embodiment of this wisdom.

RIP Marketing Agency. May your powerpoint slideshows, branded stress balls, and overpriced retainer agreements find peace in the annals of history.

A small, closed-door service will be held in a dusty boardroom, in a city you don't live in. In lieu of flowers, donations may be sent directly to RAMMP.